Firefox and punctuation

Anyone else wonder if the reason this movie is getting so much play on cable these days is that people might think, "Hey, someone made a movie about a Web browser!"?

That sentence leads me to a grammar point. I have trouble with quotation marks because I studied a considerable amount of logic in college, and the rules on quotation marks ain't logical.

Problem 1:

"The comma goes before the quotation mark," he said, realizing that the rule makes no sense from a logical standpoint. The quotation is a complete expression. The comma separates it from a descriptive clause.

Problem 2:

Eric said, "My team will be ready to play Saturday." The comma is grammatically correct and logically unsound. The quotation is the object. Eric said X. Imagine other sentences with an object.

Mark threw the ball.

Not:

Mark threw, the ball.

So take note, English majors. This is why philosophy majors are laughing at you.

"But there are plenty of reasons to laugh at philosophy majors" is a perfectly valid response.

Quick review: "Unhitched"

Rashida Jones deserves better.

Told you it was quick.

How out of touch am I?

Are my tastes completely out of line with everyone else's?

Consider the following:

Music: No, I don't know much of the current Top 40. But in today's fragmented media landscape, that's not so unusual. The days of a band like the Beatles stretching into every demographic are long gone. The bands I like are all relatively popular within their various niches. I get a pass on this one.

Reality TV: Every TV blogger seems sick of American Idol's audition phase and is excited to see the show heading to Hollywood. This is the point at which I tune out every year. The parade of American narcissism and comeuppance, mixed with a few heartwarming tales of the truly talented, is over. Now we get the tedious task of narrowing it down to 12 people who will be asked to grit their teeth through a variety of styles, many of them unsuitable, and then sit through the weekly "results show." People watch this, apparently.

I do think it'd be amusing if figure skating adopted the "results show" model. Let the judges sound off for a while, then have the skaters stand and smile through 30 minutes of "Sasha and Kimmie are in the bottom two" nonsense.

Scripted TV: I'm used to it by now. Popular shows like Grey's Anatomy grate on my nerves. My shows, from NewsRadio to Arrested Development to Friday Night Lights, live on the verge of cancellation. Only The Office has worked its way into pop culture.

Sports: You all know I'm a soccer guy. But did you know I watch biathlon? You won't be seeing highlights on SportsCenter any time soon. (Granted, I like almost all sports -- it's not as if I skip the Super Bowl.)

Food: I finally found a food at McDonald's that was relatively nutritious and genuinely tasty -- the Southwest salad. Don't look for it on the menu. It's gone.

Children's TV: I've just learned that The Upside Down Show has not been renewed.

Politics: Don't ask.

Perhaps my tastes are actually better than most people's. Maybe I appreciate true quality while others don't make the effort to do so.

Elitism, though, is no comfort. Not when I keep get attached to things that disappear because no one else is interested.

So perhaps I need to start a movement. The Campaign to Bring Back The Southwest Salad, Renew The Upside Down Show, Save Friday Night Lights, Revamp The Two-Party System and Put Biathlon on ESPN. Who's with me?

Explaining The Simpsons to a 4-year-old

"Daddy, why did Moe drive past the hospital?"

"Well, sometimes Moe is mean. In fact, Moe is usually a bad guy."

"But he gives people beer. What makes him bad?"

Tonight's American Idol thought

I frankly think they've given up this season.

I've seen maybe one singer tonight who deserved to go through, and they were cheating when they sent him up -- he used to be in some sort of boy band.

They've sent through several people who had no clue. The last one took an interesting approach -- add a bunch of notes to the melody, and you increase your chances that at least a couple of them must be right.

And now they've got someone who just screeched all over a classic Aretha standard. Simon's just sitting there with a look of resignation. He doesn't care any more. They just seem like they don't want to fight with relatively nice people, and the people coming up are at least nice. Or cute.

If you watch beyond the audition rounds, you might want to adjust your sound settings so the higher frequencies don't come through. Be warned.

Great Simpsons episode

He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life.

American Idol question

Is it just me and Mrs. MMM, or have we seen one woman in each city with erratic behavior who bears an uncanny, even suspicious, resemblance to Amanda Plummer?

Chris Wylde pranked AI a couple of years ago, and morning radio shows always have some wind-up frat boy to give it a whirl. Amanda Plummer wouldn't do that. Right? She was in two great films of the '90s. Right? Right?

American Gladiators vs. American Idol

I watched my share of American Gladiators in college. It was good campy entertainment, perfect for those early weekend afternoons before we either flipped to basketball or did something constructive with our time.

The revamped and regally hyped remake is interesting ... for five minutes or so.

The problem is pacing. For a show that thrives on action, there's entirely too much waiting around while people with nothing interesting to say attempt to convince you that the next bit of action is going to be really intense. Then you wait some more while the referee checks to make sure the contestants and gladiators are ready.

He does this before every ... single ... event.

I guess it's supposed to build tension, but it just sounds like a pilot going over a preflight checklist. Perhaps I shouldn't give the Gladiator gang any ideas, lest we hear this: "Helmet ... check ... armpads ... check ... shoelaces ... check ..."

They've also kept some of the most boring games. Once you've seen a gladiator firing tennis balls at a hapless contestant trying to fire back with some unwieldy contraptions, you really don't need to see it again.

The "Pyramid" is pretty good -- contestants climbing a big stack of gym pads with gladiators chasing them, and it's perfectly legal to fling the gladiator back down to the floor. The final "Eliminator" obstacle course is disturbingly hard now that contestants have to swim under an island of fire. Didn't the Village People sing something about that? Or Johnny Cash?

Anyway -- Gladiator just isn't prime-time fare. It's good cheesy Saturday afternoon fun if you don't have anything to do at the moment. Nothing more.

American Idol, on the other hand, continues to serve a valuable and necessary role in our public discourse. The early rounds of the show are an important reminder of the perils of self-delusion. Mrs. MMM reminded me of the one word that sums up the auditions -- entitlement. These people honestly think they deserve to be the next Kelly Clarkson just because they want it to be so.

Sure, MMM Jr. thinks the same thing, but he's 4. These people are old enough to vote.

In every drama I see, I demand to see comeuppance for the idiots and jerkwads. That carries over to Idol, and that's why it's the only reality show I'll watch.

Besides, tonight's episode made me break into a Howard Jones parody ...

Don't try to wax your chest in one day / Don't go yank your hair away ...

Howard Jones, incidentally, is on an acoustic tour. This is the guy who was so reliant on synths and sequencers that a reviewer once wondered if the show would go on if he keeled over mid-song. Nice to see him sticking around and shaking up the old image.

Media criticism worth watching

"That what wrong with the media today. All they have is questions, questions, questions. They never have cookies!"

Fun with Office themes

I had a sudden urge to download Handbags and Gladrags, an oft-covered English tune used as the theme music for the British version of The Office. A Ricky Gervais fan came up with a staggeringly comprehensive history of the tune and offers an explanation of why it works so well as the theme:

One reading of the lyric is as a commentary on the futility of fashion and the irrelevance of outward appearances. In this sense it is well chosen as the theme for The Office, as David Brent is a man concerned, above all, with image, status and perception.

I can't possibly improve on that.

I searched for video of The Office credits, but what I found instead was equally interesting. At least, it's interesting if you, like me, did a senior recital on percussion and spent significant time behind a marimba. Yes, it's the American theme song ... on marimba.



Too short, but pretty sweet.

I've only seen a couple of episodes of the UK version, but I know the consensus is that it played up the pathos a bit more than the American version. I think that opinion stems from two brilliant scenes with Tim and Dawn, the predecessors of Jim and Pam.

The first, which is one of the most perfectly directed and acted moments of TV I've ever seen, was near the end of the series finale. But since the series didn't really end there, we get another one near the end of the Christmas special. (The background you need to know -- Dawn, like Pam, was always interested in doing something with her artistic skill, which her warehouse-worker fiancee didn't appreciate. And in case you can't hear Gareth -- the blonde guy -- in the pivotal scene here, he says, "She's got a fiancee." Dawn's response says it all.)

And yes, you do have to love Yazoo's cheesy synth-pop love song Only You bubbling through that final scene.

It's just overkill

Catching up on Saturday Night Live after a particularly disappointing Family Guy (memo to Seth: Shout-outs to movie scenes are not inherently funny. You still need a joke) ...

The musical guest is Feist, whose 15 minutes have apparently coincided with this appearance. She, like so many musical acts these days, has about 20 people onstage in her band.

Two rows of backup singers/clappers? Did I wander back to I Want to Know What Love Is?

And not one banjo player. Not two banjo players. Three freaking banjo players.

An Office smackdown

Two traits of public discourse I'd like to stamp out in my lifetime:

1. Trying to get ahead of the cynicism curve. If possible, these guys would go back to Season 5 of Saturday Night Live and declare that it's jumped the shark. They'd confuse a lot of people, since "jump the shark" had not yet entered everyday conversation in 1980, but that would only add to their feeling of superiority.

2. Dittoheads on blogs who just reinforce the blogger's arrogant worldview.

That's why I find the commenters' mass revolt against the TVSquad guy who keeps dissing The Office so rewarding. It's not just hostility -- it's a point-by-point dismantling of every point the guy even thought about making.

Between that and the first 15 minutes of Friday Night Lights, I feel better about the world at the moment.

Having faith in The Office and FNL

My favorite comedy (The Office) and the only drama I watch (Friday Night Lights) have been accused of getting ridiculous this season.

The Office has seen Michael drive into a lake and hold a pizza delivery guy against his will.
FNL has a moderately reasonable ongoing story with Tami raising a baby solo while Eric is assistant waterboy, er, coach for a college team, followed by an utterly preposterous storyline in which Landry conks Tyra's stalker in the head (OK), killing him (pushing it) with his back turned (really pushing it) and dumping the body (that's enough).

The question you have to ask: Do you trust the show to resolve the story to your satisfaction?

With The Office, it's an unqualified yes. Michael's outlandishness drives the show to unpredictable fun. The Pam/Jim saga also has been unpredictable without testing our patience over three years.

Friday Night Lights earned that faith last season. When Riggins and Lyla became more than drunkard and best friend's girl, we all cringed a little. But the show handled it well, the first evidence that it could push us out of our comfort zone a little but still retain some grounding in reality. Nothing felt forced. Nothing seemed cliche, aside from the Dillon Panthers' eight or nine ridiculous comebacks.

This season, we can't be so sure. How many "notes" have NBC execs dropped on the crew? How much pressure do the creators feel to push the dramatic envelope? ("Up next on a very special ER, a nuclear bomb destroys Chicago, leaving Abby and Morris to repopulate the city ...")

My pet conspiracy theory: The FNL powers that be aren't really developing stories in these first few episodes. They're taking revenge on the Emmy voters who inexplicably snubbed the show. If you don't think Connie Britton, Jesse Plemons and Adrienne Palicki deserved nominations, the theory goes, see how they singlehandedly salvage these ridiculous situations.

Makes about as much sense as anything else.

Last week's FNL, for what it's worth, had some promising scenes.

SNL: Week 2

The LeBron episode was fine, and LeBron was fine. The bloggers who think he was "staring holes at the TelePrompTer" were surely thinking of the PSA, which wouldn't be realistic if he were doing anything else.

This one was a little weak.

The high points: I liked Andy Samberg as K-Fed, celebrating the ruling that he's slightly more responsible than Britney. The TVSquadders love the Kristen Wiig/Jason Sudeikis chemistry, and they got a good spotlight with a fake ad for high-def, picture-in-picture ultrasound.

But too many sketches were the typical SNL downer (which, to be fair, they've had on occasion since 1975). Good premise, no follow-through. The Douchebag Championship went nowhere despite Amy Poehler's ever-enchanting Sharon Osborne. As much as I love Wiig, she gets stuck with a lot of one-note characters such as the obnoxious sister to Seth Rogen's equally obnoxious nerdy teen. The crowd was thrilled to see Chevy Chase, but he was all too willing to hog the spotlight.

Most puzzling: Fred Armisen just seemed off. His Gene Simmons impression didn't remind me at all of Gene Simmons. His Sam Waterston impression wasn't even close. I've seen Armisen live, and I know he's funny. They're just pushing him into roles that aren't in his wheelhouse.

The Seth Meyers era is wildly inconsistent, and that's not such a bad thing. He takes more risks than most head writers of the past, and it sometimes works. That's why it's still worth watching, even through relative clunkers like this one.

The mastery of Jon Stewart

While the news media (excluding my employer, which offers a wonderfully nuanced exploration of public life and terrific benefits) seem content to drag us along toward partisan oblivion, Jon Stewart is proudly doing what journalists should be doing to those who would turn politics into bloodsport. He's calling bullshit.

We all remember when he did it to Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala on Crossfire, though that incident was often misinterpreted as a partisan act in itself. It wasn't. Stewart's point was that staking out two "sides" and yelling at each other is simply destructive.

Last week, Stewart did it again, this time to Chris Matthews. The Hardball host came onto Stewart's show hawking his book, Life's a Campaign.

Matthews does some worthwhile work with Catholic Charities, but as you can guess from his show and the title of that book, he's one of those Beltway-insider journalists who sees beauty in the "game" of politics.

Stewart's basic point: That's a sad way to live. It's bad enough that our political system operates that way. Must we operate that way in real life is well? "I'm not trashing your book -- I'm trashing your philosophy of life."

From a quick blog sample, it looks like some people got it and some didn't.

- At MSNBC (scroll to 8:48), one guy is furious with Stewart for "turning on an ally." What's the emoticon for shaking my head and sighing?

- At the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, we see one commenter who thinks the whole thing just proves how rude "liberals" are. This is beautifully refuted by the next guy, who doesn't even go for the obvious point that Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Hannity and company aren't exactly models of polite discourse.

- My favorite comment refers to Stewart's point that Matthews' book has already been written ... by Machiavelli: "Umm, Chris? The Prince is a cautionary tale, not a how-to manual."

Stewart is neatly subverting the left-right conflict that feeds the 24-hour "news" monster. It's a message that ought to be bigger.

My suggestion: In every Web conversation that ends up as a predictable partisan shoutfest, toss in a link to this video. Ask the brainwashed drones in the discussion if they'd rather be Stewart or Matthews.

Couldn't hurt, right?

A pedantic explanation of why 'The Office' was good this week

Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Internet. Starting an Office backlash now that the show has been big for a couple of years and Steve Carell is busting out all over. Anything big must suck, right?

Let's consider the last episode so I can explain why the people who confuse cynicism with intelligence are, as usual, wrong.

1. Pam and Jim. Sure, we all know Moonlighting lost its spark when Cybill and Bruce finally got down to it. But this is a totally different show. The comic opportunities won't suddenly dry up because Pam and Jim are (gasp) happy!

One of the funniest moments of the last episode: Ryan asks out Pam. He's obnoxious and full of it. Pam says she's dating Jim. Ryan looks stunned. Camera pans to Jim, who waves. (Obviously, words don't do it justice.)

Another: Phyllis comes in and "reminds" Pam that she needs to split the sales calls evenly rather than give them all to Jim because they're doing it.

This show has a group dynamic. There's no reason Jim and Pam can't face the rest of the group as a couple.

Besides, in this era of realism, would it really make sense to break up Jim and Pam after all that? Wouldn't the typical misunderstanding be a sitcom cliche unworthy of this show?

No and yes. Moving on.

2. Michael driving into a lake. Did he do it to prove a point? Was he distracted by the conversation with Dwight? Perhaps the scene could've been directed a little better to push our interpretation one way or another, but remember, Michael usually does crazy stuff like this.

Besides, as the commenters have pointed out at TVSquad, it's been known to happen.

3. Toby turning mean. Here, I'll agree with TVSquad. It's a little out of character for Toby to be something other than the oppressed conscience of the office, trying in vain to get Michael to adhere to policy or plug his ears while Ryan and Kelly bicker.

I thought everything else was great. Angela is a modern-day Hot Lips Houlihan. Ryan is a dead-on satire of the young kid with good ideas and no sense of how to relate to others. Creed is Creed.

No, this episode wasn't as good as last season's finale. But that's not fair. The season finale may have been the best hour of TV I've ever seen. They can't match that every week. In the meantime, can we hold off on the "tear down" part of the "build up, tear down" cycle for a little while and enjoy the best comedy since Seinfeld?

Quick review: Friday Night Lights

So earlier in the week, I said I was anticipating the first episode of the Friday Night Lights season as if it were a reunion.

Thankfully, the folks at my actual reunion are faring a lot better than the folks in Dillon, Texas.

The show wasn't bad. It never is. But it was definitely a downer, and you could detect the not-so-subtle hand of TV execs' "notes."

Note to TV execs. Your "notes" never work.

Case in point: Boomtown. This promising show started out with an interesting gimmick -- unraveling the story from several points of view, not quite chronologically. The first episode was pure poetry. Another early episode was equally brilliant.

But it didn't catch on in the ratings. The answer to the problem, the execs said: Let's strip of everything that's unique. Make it just another cop show.

They did. And fewer people watched it, because those of us who like quality TV (I'm thinking it's roughly 1.2 million people nationwide) ditched it, leaving only those who (A) were desperate to see all things Wahlberg or (B) were desperate for network programming and didn't like the offerings on ABC, CBS or that other network.

I'm afraid I see that fate for Friday Night Lights. They didn't attract the OC crowd last year, and they won't this year. They'll tamper a bit too much, and they'll lose some of the viewers.

Fortunately, we have one brilliant season to cherish.

And again, I'll watch as long as it's on. I hope I'm wrong.

Friday Night Lights anxiety

It occurred to me that I'm not worried about Friday Night Lights dropping in quality as it heads into a second season I'm expecting to be brief. I'm anxious that it might be too good, like it was last season.

Last year, the show seeped into my brain. I replayed scenes in my head and composed fan fiction while I did yard work.

To give you an idea how haunting and beautiful the show could be, just listen to one of several Explosions in the Sky songs providing the backdrop -- Your Hand in Mine. This video cuts out and goes black after about 1:30, but that'll just let you focus on the song. I don't mind confessing that I get tears in my eyes when they get to the descending figures around the 2:35 mark. It's that ... freaking ... beautiful.



I've seen the first five minutes of the new season. The whole episode was available online at Yahoo, though I can't find it now. It's funny. It starts with Saracen (the bookish, confidence-challenged QB who's dating the coach's daughter) talking with Landry (sometimes the jester of the show, but often its conscience) by the pool. If they cancel this show, I'd love to see them spin off a comedy with the two of them just chatting.

I'm looking forward to Friday night's premiere to see that scene again, but also to catch up. It's almost like attending my recent reunion. After one season, I'm so intimately connected to these characters that I just want to know what they're doing.

I'll watch Season 2 as long as it runs. In the online era, I know they'll at least make the first 13 episodes or so available somehow. But I'm going to need some distractions or at least some help focusing. Otherwise, some confused book publishers will be getting a manuscript on MLS history that'll include some strange rants about Riggins and Lyla teaming up to help Tyra get into college.

It's not a perfect show. They went to the "improbable comeback" storyline so often last season you would've thought you were watching Scotty save the Enterprise for the 300th time. (Yes, I know the original Star Trek had less than 80 episodes. Am I wrong?) They might consider introducing a female character who doesn't immediately and implausibly sleep with Riggins.

But of all the things that have been stuck in my head over the years, this is among the best. Easily.

Yeah! Molly Hatchet!

Just catching up on My Name is Earl from last week. Very happy to hear Flirtin' With Disaster.

Random day in a homeowner/blogger/parent's life

- Replacing the windows in your house is something I recommend doing exactly once.

- "Then she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out" is one of the most strangely and perversely funny punch lines I've ever heard.

- You should never be too tired or too distracted to pretend you're using a sword to defend yourself against your son's mace made of string.

- Dogs freak out a little when you put shades up. Once the shades are up, they're fine.

- Some days, showering is a privilege, not a right.

- I should learn to suffer fools in the style of Jim from The Office.

- Blogging a sports catastrophe can be oddly rewarding.

- Some people are simply going to follow college sports coaches as divine gurus, and there's not much we can do about it other than pray that they don't vote or run companies that can harm the environment.

- The perfect end to a tiring day is a long Office episode. If they ever cancel the show, can they just have Jenna Fischer and John Krasinski narrate my day a couple of times a year?

- I love going to sleep while it's raining. But I really need to shower first ...